An old review

Because I love honesty, this is a review from a blogger when she saw me perform this at Kearny Street Workshop’s APAture Festival in 2008 with a friend:

Conrad Panganiban: Doing scene from a play about youth. “Lola’s apple pie and ???”

This is an actual play. He has a woman up there performing with him. A guy meets his roommate’s dance partner for PCN (Pilipino Cultural Night) to convince her to wait for the roommate, who will be late. Flatters her. He’s written a script for PCN. Shows it to her. It’s about a guy “who comes to the realization of his identity when his grandmother is dying.” Play within a play. Making fun my-grandmother-cooks-rice narratives. Girl critiques this. Here comes the lesson: why make fun of our own people with the thick accents? Wow, is this an actual PCN script? A PCN script within a PCN script?

5:50 – Boy challenges girl to come up with something better. Girl goes into poem elegizing Lola. Oh, my god, the Lola even cooks rice for the girl in this poem. Ai ya, this is turning into a romance. Enough.

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I like this because I guess it’s given me a tougher skin. I suffer from this disorder where I need to please people. I’m starting to break that trend because I’ve finally realized that life is too short to give that power to people to hang over me. At any rate, at this point in my career, I’ve pretty much put the “romance” genre out of my toolbox. But it’s lying there somewhere ready to be picked up one day… perhaps.

The Sleeping Pirate – An exercise into Language

Earlier today, I went to a quick workshop with playwright, A. Rey Pamatmat. The exercise given was to randomly draw one of Aristotle’s Poetics (Plot, Character, Action, Language (Diction/Rhythm/Melody), Spectacle, and Music) and a written down subject/object/phrase etc, and combine them somehow. This is what I blindly drew:

1) Diction/Rhythm
2) Your surname spelled backwards

PANGANIBAN > NABINAGNAP

The Sleeping Pirate

My name.
My name is.
My name means to steal.
My name is to annoy.
My name is sleep.
By definition,
All the plundering and the constant questioning
That will drive you
Your mom
Your mom’s mom
And even your distant cousin named Bong’s mom
To be induced into a feathery silk-lined Slumber whose toll rings of my station in life.
Pirate.
Mother-in-Law.
Rumplestiltskin’s foil.
The definitions of my moonwalked name left me to ponder,
Annie are you okay?
Not exactly.
I wanted to stop the Re-Winding Motion of the cycle of the meaning behind this name for
What is in a name?
Is it the dagger before me? For I am not.
Is it the thorn of an ading’s question of why is the sky blue? For IT is not.
Is it the sweet poisoned nectar poised to kiss the lips of a lover
For life is meaningless if I was ever awakened? Hardly.
Nab – To Steal.
Ee – The note to follow Ahhh.
Nabee.
Nag – To Annoy.
Nap – To Sleep.
Nagnap.
Nabeenag.
Nabeenagnap.
I am Nabeenagnap -
The Flashbacks of a Pirate who constantly beheads the Knights of your dreams who guard the sheep.
Sorry.

The end.

My Purpose

The following is my Purpose Statement written in application to San Francisco State University, Creative Writing Department’s MFA Playwriting Program.

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In 1995, my journey of writing stories for the stage began with ANG PALENGKE, meaning “The Marketplace” in Filipino. ANG PALENGKE is a play about the dreams of people living in a provincial town in the Philippines. This was ironic because the script was born out of a literal dream. I awoke needing to spill that story onto 65-pages of college-ruled paper. The end result of that movie-in-my-mind was a full production of a cast of 15 actors, 40 dancers, and one magical night.

Although I directed that play, it felt as if that story has directed my life from then on. The summer after having ANG PALENGKE produced, I joined a theatre company called Sinag-tala in Sacramento, CA. It gave me the opportunity to act, sing, dance, and write for a stage I’d later call “home”. The river of life has led me to perform and write with Bindlestiff Studio, the epicenter of Filipino American Performing Arts in San Francisco. Since 2005, I’ve had the fortune of having three of my short plays produced by them – the last being a short 20-Minute entitled, THICKER THAN WINE. It was selected to be the first play performed at the re-opened Bindlestiff Studio stage located in the SOMA.

Like ANG PALENGKE, THICKER THAN WINE’s theme revolves around an oppressed community’s survival as it dangles from the threads of hopes and dreams. Feeling like an under-represented minority in the Theatre Arts Community, it’s my goal to weave these threads into a strong fabric to be displayed on a stage to inspire, induce thought with emotion, and lead others to take action for the betterment of themselves and the community they live in.

Driven to obtain this goal, I’ve sought ways to learn everything about the art form of playwrights. My wallet became lighter with every trip to used bookstores as I expanded my drama library. When able, I took classes with The Berkeley Rep School of Theatre, The Playwright’s Foundation, Asian-American Theatre Company, and Bindlestiff Studio. I’ve been fortunate to have had Anthony Clarvoe, Gary Graves, Philip Kan-Gotanda, and Jeannie Barroga as teachers. I’ve learned a tremendous amount of the craft from books, watching plays, and inspiring instructors, yet I yearned for the education in a collaborative setting which only an established Playwriting Program at a University can provide.

I am confident I can continue to evolve as an artist and person with admission into the MFA Creative Writing Department’s Playwriting Program at San Francisco State University. As previously mentioned, my voice as a writer has been from a Filipino-American perspective, but I know I can grow into being a voice to represent the diverse SFSU community and the San Francisco Bay Area. My first play started with a dream and I hope to continue in sharing this dream with you and many audiences to come.

SFSU MFA Here I Come!

It had been a day of many previous where it was the time of official torture when I would log into the San Francisco State’s website to check on my status of admittance. Being the impatient Internet troll that I am, I’ve already found forums where there had been others whom have been notified of their own academic fate. I also knew that offers needed to be accepted by May 1. Two weeks isn’t enough time to make a major life decision, I thought. So, I sit in front of my computer expecting to see “Application Pending” AGAIN as it has said for the every single day for the last two months of checking.

“Congratulations! You’ve been accepted to San Francisco State University.” Wha? Where’d that come from? I checked the name on the screen to make sure it read my name. OMG. The merging of emotions and memory swept over me knocking me senseless. Wha?

Trying to make sense of what is in front of me made me move myself in front of a co-worker of whom I’ve shared this dream with. She calmed my frazzled nerves, congratulated me, and asked if I was going to accept.

Sidenote: the online status read that I was accepted to the Master’s (MA) program. Which is GREAT! But I wouldn’t be honest if I said that I was a tinge sad that it didn’t say MFA because that’s what I had initially applied for. Through a suggestion of a person already in the program, on the application, there’s a checkbox to apply to the MA program if not admitted into the MFA Program. So since the online offer stated Masters, I assumed MA. Which is fine, perfect even. The reason I’m going back to school is to become a better playwright. Period. And the analysis of scripts and the academic discussion thereof, will help me do so. MA it is. Then I had a little panic when I researched the program a little more – according to the Program descriptions, the MFA allows the student to go to school Part-time, but I didn’t see the same text for the MA. I need my job! I have a mortgage to pay and my credit sucks so I don’t think anyone will loan me money. The only way I could pursue this dream is to do full-time work/part-time school, at least initially. If this wasn’t possible… well, I didn’t want to think about that scenario just yet.

Feeling a little defeat from the onset of reality, I needed to confirm my offer status into the MA Program. A looping passage of classical music just made me more antsy as I waited for the Grad Studies program person to confirm my Status. “Are you sure?” was all I could mumble (I have a habit of mumbling) when the voice on the other end said
“Masters of Fine Arts”. “Master of Fine Arts?” “MFA” “Uh. Okay. Thanks.”

Holy Mother of Cannonballs! The hairs on my arms became erect above the goose pimples of shock and joy and disbelief and wonder. There’s only maybe 10 slots for a very competitive program – and my odd shape fits into one of them.

Well, that makes my decision to accept a little easier. Oh, I should also say that SFSU was the only school I applied to. I’m 40 and this was a calculated decision based on reality – even though this is still a dream. Location. Cost. The Bay Area theatre community.

Waiting for my feet to touch the ground.

Never give up

Too long for a tweet – Waking up from a nap, I’m watching Louisville vs. Kentucky in the Final Four and I’m struck to see that Louisville is still in this game. Moreso, I’m struck upside the head in seeing how Patino’s team isn’t giving up on anything – rebounds, missed shots, on defense. They’ll prolly still lose, but that doesn’t matter because they’re pure determination as a singular unit to win has at least made a lasting impression on me.

In writing a good character who’s battling on their own journey, this spirit is what I’d love to capture. They were down by 13, and all odds are against them, and they are still fighting.

Nervewracked over MFA… but why?

Is nervewracked even a word? Well, it is now Urban Dictionary! Nervous energy aside, I’m counting down the days, and less, to know whether or not I got accepted to the Creative Writing Program at SFSU.

Mostly because it feels like my life could spin in a thousand different directions with a simple offer… or not.

Titus Andronicus – Review kinda

Okay, just to get things straight, the “reviews” on this site about plays I’ve seen aren’t really reviews, because that’s what Google is for. I totally don’t mean that in a dick way, though. I just didn’t want you to read this post and think, “well, that was a crappy review.”

My definition of review for THIS site is the way I see a story on stage and what I learned from it and how I can use my findings to steal borrow for my own work.

So… Titus Andronicus. Saw this play at La Val’s Subterranean in Berkeley.

Revenge. I think that’s the best word I can think of in rethinking about the play. One of the selling points of the show (I found) was that there was a lot of blood. It was funny because my co-worker mentioned that he saw a production of Shakespeare’s play at the Globe and he said Titus. I then told him about The Lieutenant of Inishmore that was produced at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre. Now that was a play that had BLOOD! 12 gallons of Blood I heard. So in the back of my mind, I kept taking notes about the use of blood in the play. It was gory… but honestly, that wasn’t what twirled my tail – the acts of REVENGE did.

For the record, I’m not a big scholar of Elizabethan English, but I made up my mind that I was going to concentrate on the actions of the actors and by focusing on that, I could figure out the story from there. Oh, I also was thinking of words I could use to describe this play to others – It’s a play where there’s murder of this lady’s son, which then spins the thread of revenge for said murder. A set up is planned to murder this other guy by blaming it on the sons of the general (titus andronicus) and then there’s a rape the murdered guy’s wife by the lady’s two sons. Then to make sure she doesn’t tell, they cut out her tongue AND hands. wtf? then the guys sons are beheaded and put into a sack dripping with blood. gracious.

I’m just going to skip to the end and say that the ending is reminiscent of Hamlet – still my favorite. But even with all this violence, I was riveted by the plans of revenge. That thread kept pulling me to the end. I read a review saying that this production was cut by an hour – which I’m good with – but then again, I felt like I was missing some things because the actions and motivations to do evil just came SO FAST! I was a little put-off by the racist remarks made, even an image of an African-American with a noose, albeit very loose one, around his neck worn like a necktie. But I did love his character.

REVENGE! Haven’t thought of using that in a while. Can’t wait to try it.

Deserted at Sea… maybe

Just needed to write.

Deserted at Sea might be the title of my next play. Luckily, I have Scrivener to help me sort out all of these things associated with this story I’ve had for a very long time, maybe since October. Again luckily, I have a deadline to meet to at least get one scene done to share with my Incubator group.

I’ve been reading a book lately called Outrageous Fortune. It’s about the state of the New American Play. Pretty good in that it goes through the process and thoughts of getting a play actually produced. Or more times than not, not produced. I’m about 66% through and for the most part I’m learning a great deal of what makes playwrights do what they do and not get paid for it. It made me think a lot, let me emphasize A LOT, about just how much can I commit to having a life as a writer. I have a good job that pays the bills, which is a necessity at my age, and when I look at the statistics on how much a playwright can earn – well, it’s like HALF of how much I earn now. I straddled that fence, but this decision, if I can even call it that, isn’t one. I wake thinking about a story. I dream and hope that the play will write itself in my sleep.

But I know that the only way to get this done is by work. It’s real work! It’s not going to write itself.

Truthfully, after I finished writing and producing Esperanza Means Hope, I’ve been tapped out. The entire writing process of writing that play, though fulfilled me in every way, had made me tired… and lazy. Facebook. Twitter. A laptop. All of these things are crappy excuses to not making this story happen. But, as I mentioned earlier, I’m getting back on the writing train and started to jot down my notes and do research. I have my theme and following the steps I laid down in writing EMH, I’m tackling this new play.

I’m a writer. I don’t think I even have an option. And that’s fine by me.

Esperanza Means Hope

Our Cast of Esperanza Means Hope

It’s kinda funny when people tell me that they’re proud of me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the kind words and I take them to heart, but it just feels a little weird – offsetting. I guess I’ve been so used to telling other people how proud I am of them because I recognize their tenacity to pursue what they love, but when other’s pride is shown onto me… all I can say is Thank You. With every stitch weaves into my being, I appreciate you.

ESPERANZA MEANS HOPE is a play I dreamed up many months ago. The process for writing it all basically stemmed from the many lessons I learned over the years, and it paid off:
- research
- think of personal story that would support research
- character sketches
- created a structure
- outlined the scenes using the French Scene model
- breaking down those French Scenes by action-to-action
- start the dialogue
- have a read-through
- edit, edit, edit
- auditions and casting
- finding a director
- meetings, meetings, meetings
- find: rehearsal space, tech, props, etc
- make the decision to play the dad role
- rehearsals…
- deal with unforeseen circumstances (What’s theatre without a little DRAMA?)
- think that this isn’t the career for me and give up my dream of becoming a playwright
- house open, warming up with cast, showtime
- standing ovation, loving my cast, creative team and director
- close
- think of the possibilities to have this play reach more people

The above in a nutshell sums up what I’ve been through the last 5-6 months. I guess putting this in the form that I’ve come to recognize as my writing “savior” (outline), does make me proud of what I’ve accomplished!

DREAM ACCOMPLISHED!

Being a Playwright still in the beginning of my career, I had the goal of having one of my plays produced outside of California. Just found out that MamaSiHero, a 10-minute dramedy about a comic book writer and her Superhero Filipino Mother, will be part of A-Squared Theatre Workshop’s “My Asian Mom” One-Act Festival in CHICAGO!!! It’ll have a 4 week run in May :) Just shows what hard work, writing down goals, taking expensive classes, having supportive friends and family, surrounding yourself with inspiring ARTISTS, staying true to who you are, and having FAITH, can do. Dreams can come true!

(Update 4/31/2012)
I can’t believe that I haven’t even updated this blog with this NEWS! But yes! Mission Accomplished: Have a play produced out of California by the time I reached 40! I did it!